An old wound re-opened...

Four years ago we moved out of a 

wonderful, safe and comfortable neighborhood...

downsizing to a small house in downtown Waconia.

To be honest, I didn't really want to move....

it was hard for me to say goodbye. 

Goodbye to great neighbors...

...to a peaceful, quiet street.....

...to a beautiful wooded lot....

...to the many perennials I had

transplanted from previous moves...

...to a life I thought I would be 

in for a very long time...

But, the decision to take this leap of faith was a blessing. 

One year after we moved, Bryan lost his job which would have

been very stressful with our previous financial situation.

But our new cost of living at Little Blue made it manageable. 

Time slowly moved on and the pain hurt less and less. I didn't

feel the loss of leaving it all behind as often anymore.

When we started meeting with our old small group this winter,

I really didn't think it would be that hard to visit Hunters Crest

once a month and spend time in that old neighborhood....

I was wrong.....it hurts. 

I look around and see all the kids biking on nice 

sidewalks and playing together on big playgrounds 

in their backyards. I see all the beautiful yards 

with gorgeous landscaping and decks with grills....

And the wound of my heart tears open a little bit again....

I actually ask myself, was it really worth it?

Life in this old house isn't easy....

Our roof is falling apart, our backyard is

covered with clovers and weeds. We still have

about 30% left to renovate inside.

And yet my heart has a tough time investing in our

house again. We poured tens of thousands of dollars into

our other house....for what purpose? Just to have it

look nice? Is it wrong to have a nice backyard to relax in? No.

Yet my heart breaks because there are kids in other countries

 dying because their water is contaminated.....am I okay with that?

They don't have bikes or playgrounds with curly slides....

they wonder if they will have any food to eat today.

How can I justify pouring money into a piece of property that 

won't last for another century when there are people dying

out there....people who may not know what will happen to

them after they die....am I okay with that?

I know we did the right thing by moving....

it just hurts sometimes....

The longing for greatness....

Ever wondered why people hunger for the taste of victory?

Why the football team strives to win the big game?

Why the athlete trains day in and day out to be in 

the spotlight of glory for at least one shining moment?

Perhaps because we were created for greatness....

Our original glory, which reflects our maker, was destined to 

do more than work 9-5 jobs, sleep in on the weekends 

and enjoy a vacation once in awhile....

We were made to rule....

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,^a and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

You were born to do something amazing....

You have specific talents and gifts that equip you for the 

plans God has reserved just for you to accomplish.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12Then you will call on me and come & pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

BUT....this world is at war with an enemy that will

distract and discourage you in the hopes that

you NEVER realize you are part of something bigger...

For you are an heir to God's glory....

you are destined for royalty...

you are meant to be part of a Kingdom that has no end.

A Kingdom that contains the power to overcome the enemy

and the world he has control over for a time....

You are a threat when you accept the call to greatness!

What say ye?

Death to dreams and plans....

When someone dies, they usually leave behind a will...

....so the loved ones here on earth know their wishes.....

The Bible agrees that a will is only in force once someone has died....

"In the case of a will,^d it is necessary to prove the death of the one who made it, 17because a will is in force only when somebody has died; it never takes effect while the one who made it is living." Hebrews 9:16-17

What if this might be the case for us as well....spiritually speaking....

What if we are unable to know God's will until we actually die to ourselves 

and surrender our personal dreams...

What if when we declare our old self truly dead, we are actually able to 

understand the dream for our new self.....

A new plan that describes what God truly desires for us....

...the reason He made you.....

 ...that real you hiding underneath the problems, disappointments & hurts...

...the purpose for that glorious you that is waiting to be discovered in this life....

I know that my life is currently nothing like I had "planned"...

I had once thought that two kids was plenty. 

I thought I would be a software engineer until I retired. 

I thought that we would always live in our custom-built house in Minnetrista.

I thought retiring sounded great with all the 401K money we were saving as duel-income engineers.

But, God had other plans for my life that came alive after I let mine die...

 He gave us a 3rd child....

He asked that I home school one of my daughters.....

He asked us to downsize and move to a little house in Waconia... 

...which looks suspiciously like the house in a favorite children's book of mine....

He currently is asking we trust His provisions for our 

finances as we wait for a new job for Bryan.

Surrender and trust....

....those are my daily words in this current season

 that I never "planned" but am so grateful for....

I Surrender Song by Hillsong

Five words that change everything.....

I never knew that five words could have such an impact....

Little handwritten words from a 12 year old boy who lives on the other side of the world....yet, these sweet words changed my heart this weekend.

You see back in May of 2009, I attended a special event at church about kids in Kenya. Specifically, they were children living in poverty just outside of Nairobi, Kenya among the garbage dumps and the organization that was helping them was called Kenya's Children Fund. We began the evening with a buffet of amazing African foods in a beautifully decorated fellowship hall. Then we went up to the sanctuary for a wonderful presentation from the founders of the organization. I went home that night with a deep desire to help one of these kids.

So, I went online to their website and clicked on the button to see the children that were in need of a sponsor.

A sponsored child could attend the Kinyago-Dandora school where they would get healthy meals each day, a safe place to sleep and become educated while also learning about Jesus. Our family had some extra money in our budget, so we decided to select a little boy to help. Here is the first picture we found of "Kevin from Kenya".

Kevin had the same birthday month as our oldest son (March) and was born in the same year as our oldest daughter (2003). He loved soccer and drawing which also matched some interests of our kids. 

Over the past 6 years, we have sent him many letters, stickers, birthday gifts of money and pictures of our family. We receive an annual picture of Kevin each spring as well as bi-annual letters with hand-drawn pictures and nice words written by the social worker/teacher.

But this weekend's letter was different. Kevin is 12 years old now and can write in English by himself. For the first time, this letter was in his own handwriting and from his heart....

A little boy whom I have never met yet who's life has changed for the better told me he loved me from across the ocean.....tears filled my eyes as my heart filled with love and gratitude for being a part of something way bigger than myself.

I pray that someday whether in this life or the next....that I will one day get to see Kevin and give him a big hug to let him know that his words of love changed me too!

Amazing what a difference a few words can make....

Words matter and can last a lifetime..... 

I feel challenged to write handwritten letters/cards this week to 

people in my life that have changed me for the better by 

sharing the love of Christ that lives in them...

How about you?

Learning versus living.....

I can learn all about the Grand Canyon and never really experience it personally. I can read books about it. I can look at pictures on the Internet and even watch videos of other people standing on the edge of the canyon or hiking down into it.

But if I only read and learn about it, I am still missing out on the experience. If I don't LIVE IT....then the knowledge stays in my mind and never makes it into my heart and soul.

Four years ago, Bryan and I experienced the beauty and wonder 

of the Grand Canyon. Words can't express the majesty of the 

Creator's hand completely on display there.

I think the difference between learning and living is 

also relevant to how we know God. 

We can learn about Him in the Bible. We can go to church and hear the 

pastor preach about love and forgiveness and surrender....

but unless we LIVE IT....we don't experience God.

In the letter to the people in Ephesus, the Apostle Paul writes...

"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Ephesians 3:19 NLT)"

May you EXPERIENCE the love of Christ and not just read about it...

...may the love of Christ burst deep within your soul so that 

you fully understand without a shadow of a doubt that 

JESUS LOVES YOU and that you need Him to truly live.

THEN...you will be made compete with all the fullness of life.....

....living life to the fullest....

 " I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10 NIV)"

 There are parts of my life that are not as I expected them to be. 

Not what I had hoped for or dreamed about. 

But this life is not for me....it is for God. 

There is a reason I am on this earth right here, right now. 

I have a special purpose for living and so do you....

It is to KNOW GOD and make Him KNOWN.

To experience Him personally....not just read about Him.

I sang this words so many times as a child in church but I don't 

think I ever let them move from my mind to my heart until recently.....

"THANK THE LORD AND SING HIS PRAISE. TELL EVERYONE WHAT HE HAS DONE. LET EVERYONE WHO SEEKS THE LORD REJOICE AND PROUDLY BEAR HIS NAME. HE RECALLS HIS PROMISES AND LEADS HIS PEOPLE FORTH IN JOY. WITH SHOUTS OF THANKSGIVING, ALLELUIA. ALLELUIA"

My prayer is that you experience God in new ways this week....

....that you LIVE LIFE to the full....

...make Him known by your words & deeds and proudly bear His name!

What is all this BCE and CE stuff?

Did you know that if you look in many of your child's 

textbook these days, you will most likely see dates 

that say "400 BCE" instead of the "400 BC" 

that you grew up?

And the year we live in is now referred 

to as "2014 CE" instead of "2014 AD"

So what is this BCE and CE stuff?

It's a "non-offending" way to date things 

claiming to be a bit more accurate. You know, for 

the wise and educated people.

You see "BCE" stands for "Before the Common Era" but it

still is based on the same date in history when Jesus Christ 

was born.....you know, "Before Christ"....

And "CE" stands for "Common Era" which is

used instead of AD (not "After Death" but

 the Latin "Anno Domini" meaning in the year of our Lord).

I'm sorry, since when does a calendar acronym offend people?

This appears to me like a subtle way to rename something

in hopes that the next generation will hear about Christ less and less....

Just like Santa stealing the spotlight of Christmas, this

seems to be a way to "quietly" take Christ out of the calender.

 

Not sure why this bothers me so much but it does....I don't

want my children to believe they are just living in the COMMON ERA.

They are living in the time After Death but before the return of Christ....

The day when the calendar no longer matters....

but what you believe does...

Sacrifice....surrender.....

Ever wrestle with a choice that keeps popping up but you really 

don't want to make the difficult decision?

Maybe you try a new approach to the problem 

and hope things will get better.....

.....But it doesn't......

....because deep down, you know to really address the problem....

....you might actually have to give up something...

This is how I felt about "THE HOME SCHOOL" decision...

You see, summer was coming to a close and 

my youngest was going to Kindergarten ALL DAY.

The "light at the end of the tunnel" was almost here!

There was that hint of the long awaited freedom of mothering young ones
and finally some time with my husband!

Everyone kept asking...."what are you going to do all day?"....

I didn't really know but I knew I would find something to do for 
30 hours a week while my three children were at school!

BUT, Sarah had a very difficult 3 weeks as she attempted to transition

to middle school this past September. Her anxiety levels were

extremely high due to that fact she threw up just 4 months before

which is her worst fear (emetophobia).

It became more and more apparent that the 

learning environment was too difficult for her and 

we might have to consider pulling her out.

Bryan was very supportive about my teaching abilities and

passion for curriculum and learning. 

I was more concerned of the extreme contrast of

personalities and learning styles of
 the teacher and the student.

BUT God spoke through many other people 
and after prayers and quiet time listening....

.....I knew I was being asked to
sacrifice my free time and become the 
teacher I always wanted to be....

It was for her benefit....to provide her an environment
to learn and grow in her faith.....

The reward far outweighted the cost....and so I raised my white flag....

The journey so far has had it's ups and downs....


There have been many "down" days that test my patience 
as a mom and a teacher....

Those days I vent my frustrations to God and say...."See, I knew this would happen!!! How is this even worth it? I can't do this anymore.".....

And then my wise teacher gently reminds me....
"this is not about you....this is for her good and MY GLORY...."

But the "ups" now outweigh the "downs" and I have truly gotten
to know my daughter so much better over the past three months as we have spent one-on-one time each and every week day. 

She is an amazingly, creative person whose laughter explodes out
of her heart and fills the house with indescribable joy!

A girl now transforming into a beautiful young woman 
who loves Jesus with a bold faith that takes my breath away....

but my sacrifice doesn't even compare to 
the sacrifice of the one who loves me.....

I guess sacrifice is something that 

LOVE DOES....