When the AC broke....

Our air conditioner stopped working this past weekend.....

The temperatures on Saturday afternoon were in the upper 80s with high humidity and my body was sweating just sitting at the kitchen table.

We called the repairman....

They were flooded with calls and would be able to come on Monday morning. We would have to wait it out....

Every single fan in the house was discovered and plugged in. The upstairs bedrooms were the most uncomfortable since our little 1 1/2 story 1950s house has many small spaces up there that trap the heat within the walls.

And then, we endured....

We ate a lot of freezies....we brought a cold container of water upstairs to soak my daughter's feet in. We put cold rags on the fan to blow refreshing air on us. We spent time in the basement where it was a few degrees cooler.

I prayed alot that day....

My patience was minimal because my body was unhappy so I asked God to help me control my tongue so I won't snap at my kids. My brain was trying to blame my husband for breaking the AC unit so I prayed for a sound mind to let those thoughts go and be thankful for his hard working hands. My heart was fighting for hope that cooler temperatures would really come the next day so I prayed for faith to trust that God would really bring the rain that the forecast predicted.

It is a strange experience when you finally get to the acceptance stage of an uncomfortable situation. A sense of peace that while this is not enjoyable, you need to get through it....one hour at a time.

Then it was time for bed.

Our thermostat said 82 degrees and the thick air surrounded us all....

Trying to rest when the environment all around you is hot and sticky is very difficult. Your body cannot get comfortable...your mind screams in protest...

"I just want to sleep mommy"....

my little one cried out as she struggled at bedtime. 

"I know sweetie...this isn't fun but tomorrow it will be better."

It had been a long time since I was at the mercy of the elements....I had to admit that God was in control and not me.  

I was no longer closed up in my safe little house 
with everything I needed to feel comfortable....

No, I had all the windows WIDE open....hoping that once the sun went down at 10pm, the cooler air would slowly start to creep in and bring the temperature down in our home. The open windows reflected my open hands for God to do something on our behalf...

"Please God...bring the cooler air and relief. We need you!"

I did not fall asleep until 2:30am....
and that was only after I prayed in exhaustion for God to give me rest....

When my youngest daughter tapped me on the arm at 6:30am that morning....I could hear something beautiful that soothed my soul.

Raindrops....soft drips of water falling from a grey, cool sky outside.

Oh, I have never been so happy for rain in all my life! 

The cool, lake breeze was pouring into every single window bringing with it refreshment and hope!!

The thermostat now said 75 degrees and the cool air blowing in from the window fans was completely glorious! 

It was interesting that the pace of the morning seemed totally different with the fresh air filling our home. We were all slower and enjoying the sound of the raindrops. The pull to jump on our phones or turn on the TV was not there.

Just Be.....that was what the rain seemed to sing on that glorious Sunday morning. Be still and breathe....everything is going to be okay.

Marveling at the majesty....

A golden sunrise...

Seashells scattered like treasure...

The power and consistency of ocean waves...

The splendor of majestic peaks and layered valleys...

The calm, fresh trickling of a mountain stream...

The vast variety of the creatures....

both large and small...

The sweet fragrance of the lilac...

The slow growth of a bountiful harvest....

Of things that once were...

and things of beauty beyond our wildest imagination...

The creation all around us tells the story of an amazing designer....a master builder that is interested in both the macro and the micro. 

You, dear one.....you matter to God....

Even though you are like an ant on a tiny planet in the middle of a small solar system in a galaxy of vast space....

Yet, you matter greatly to your heavenly Father.  

He is the one who made all the things in the world that take your breath away and bring you peace in a world full of chaos.

God is whispering your name....can you hear Him?

Tenebrae....

I grew up in Wisconsin and my family attended a small Lutheran church together each week. Every year on Good Friday, we went to a Tenebrae service. It was a very unique service....one that made a lasting impact on me for several reasons.

The word tenebrae is Latin for darkness and the pastor would read from the Bible the events describing the arrest, trial, beating, crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ on Good Friday.

After each section was read, one of the candles at the front of the church was extinguished and the building lights were slowly dimmed.

With each event that Jesus Christ endured, 

the church sanctuary got darker and darker. 

The weight and significance of what He went through increased as each one of the flickering lights was put out...one small flame at a time.

We would sing special hymns that would only be sung on that evening....

"Oh.....sometimes it causes me to tremble.....tremble....tremble"  

This lament echos in my head and I am brought back to a younger me. 

A young teenager on the verge of independence...

It was the spring of my freshman year in high school. I was not sure who I really was yet or what I wanted to be. So much lay ahead of me and that year, the Tenebrae service hit me deeply.  The reality that someone would go through that much pain and darkness brought me to tears. I remember as just a few candles were still shining in the front of the church...I was overwhelmed with emotion and whispered "Jesus...I love you".

Then up near the alter area, a face slowly formed in the shadows of the darkness. I gazed into a pair of sparkling, slate blue eyes that were filled with such deep love, they took my breath away...  

Next a warm, tender voice spoke to me...."I love you too, Krista"

It is one of my most treasured memories and yet it brings me both extreme love and sadness because within six months of that encounter with Jesus, I fell away. 

I started hanging out with the popular crowd and was tempted into a life of drinking and darkness. I stumbled around on that path for decades but thankfully the Lord Jesus always goes after a lost sheep. 

He was standing waiting with open arms when this prodigal finally heard his voice, turned around and came back home. God forgave me for all my mistakes and covered me with his love. My life has never been the same since....

Good Friday truly is good because without it, 

we would all be lost in darkness FOREVER. 

This world is falling apart because it is full of lost souls. 

But there is HOPE!

God loves each & every one of us and sent His only Son to rescue us! Jesus willing drank the cup of God's wrath so we don't have to for all those stupid things we regret we ever said or did. All those sinful choices are forgiven instead of exposed when we admit we need a Savior to rescue us from ourselves! We can be set free from the darkness and are called back into the light! Life as we were meant to live here on earth and more importantly in the life to come. 

May your Good Friday be truly GOOD and filled with the love of your Heavenly Father who longs to welcome you home with Him.

Day of dust...

Today while I was dusting my piano, 

I was taken back by the beauty that was hidden away....

With just a gentle rubbing of a wet cloth, the thin layer of dirt was washed away and the glorious glow of the original oak began to shine again!

It does not take much effort to dust a room and yet....

I don't do it very often.  Why is that? 

Why am I fine with sitting in a room that holds a layer of dirt right in front of my eyes and I don't just get up & wash it away with an easy stroke of my hand? 

Am I too lazy? Am I too tired? Am I just distracted? or am I a bit complacent?

As I ponder these questions, I slowly realize....I am made of dust. 

I have a beautiful treasure hidden inside me....an original glory of my true self that strains to be revealed...a soul longing to be set free....but am I too tired or lazy to do anything about it?

 Am I just complacent and feel fine about how things are going in my life? Am I too distracted with all the Facebook posts that keep me away from the one who wants to dust me off from the dirt of this world so I can shine for Him?

Am I willing to ask to be free of the dirt? 

Today is both Valentine's Day and Ash Wednesday....

a beautiful blend of what true love really is. 

We enter the 40 days of Lent and remember what Jesus suffered thru just so we all could become truly dust-free someday!

Sooner or later, we will all die physically. 

No matter how well you eat or exercise and take care of your body, it will stop functioning one day. All that will be left is your soul. 

So I ask you....how is your soul? 

Is it alive & well? Perhaps quiet & numb? Or is it disconnected & lost? 

This is a very important question to ask yourself because your soul matters!

Gungor created a song about the beautiful things God can make out of dust....It's worth a look if your interested....

BEAUTIFUL THINGS video

One word....

Back in January of 2011, an amazing friend of mine suggested that we reflect on the past year and give it a "WORD" to summarize what God taught us that year. This has been one of the most powerful and meaningful things I enjoy doing each year. Here are my list of words from throughout the years:

2010 - TRUST

(This was a year filled with anger, anxiety and frustrations in our family.)

2011 - FAITH

(This was a year filled with miracles and God's presence in the chaos. Sarah was prayed over and anointed with oil in June to battle against her anxiety, Bryan accepted Christ in January & was baptized in December, God healed a painful stress fracture of my left foot in November and I gave my life to Jesus in December.)

2012 - SURRENDER 

(This was the year Bryan & I gave up our big house in Minnetrista, sold half of our stuff and moved into "Little Bluey" in March....leaving behind our debt, our comfort, and our "American Dream". I was baptized in Lake Minnetonka at the end of June and Bryan & I shared our faith story at church in November.)

2013 - SHINE

(This was the year when Bryan lost his job at Intersil in July, we met new neighbors by humbly sharing food, and I grew closer to God while attending BSF each week. Bryan helped build the new Freshwater Waconia campus and we both willing gave to God what He asked of us from our retirement savings.)

2014 - MINISTRY 

(Bryan began his sabbatical and Joyful Noise Music was created. Bryan baptized Brenden in February. Back to school fears and anxiety hit our girls hard for Kindergarten and middle school. The decision to homeschool Sarah began in September. We had to start living with less on a very small income. The Miracle in the Manger event was born during the darkness of depression.)

2015 - GLORY

(Audio company dreams come and go. Bryan travels to Haiti for a missions trip and helps build a medical clinic. Brenden gets hurt during baseball season. I lead the daytime Journey off the Map VBS and we all attend Papa Krueger's funeral in Wisconsin. Bryan continue to play bass guitar in the worship band.)

2016 - WARFARE

(Our dreams and savings begin to run out and Bryan searches for a new job. A stressful interviewing process with Microchip ends abruptly and a job offer to go back into design engineering comes on his birthday in May. Tough transitions for everyone and terror runs wild all summer for Sarah until she get baptized in late July in Lake Waconia. My mom gets sick with an auto-immune disease and ends up in the hospital in August. Brenden breaks his wrist and needs surgery.)

2017 - ARISE

(Brenden returns to the basketball court after his wrist is healed. Sarah begins voice lessons at the Waconia Music Studio and builds back her confidence. Bryan prays for a way out of design engineering in February and God opens a door back into the FAE industry at Maxim Integrated a few months later. I meet a new friend during a spring bible study at church. Erin struggles with some food allergies but finds peace again by praying & spending time doing her devotions.)

2018 is a new adventure and I look forward to seeing what God has in mind for our family this year. So far....I think my word for the year might be BRAVE.

So I ask you....what will your one word be for 2018? Take some time to pray and think about what this year looks like and what God has been gently prompting you to do? 

Never let fear steal your joy or your dreams!  Just go for it!

You will never succeed if you never try!  ALL IN THIS YEAR!

Advent....a season of waiting....

These four crazy weeks in between Thanksgiving and Christmas can sometimes be filled with stressful preparations, overwhelming demands or perhaps even a deep emptiness for a loved one that is missing this year. 

What are some words that describe how you are feeling right now about this holiday season?  

The time between the holidays is also known as Advent which is a Latin word meaning “to arrive or to come”. Webster defines advent as “the arrival of a notable person or event”.  

Over 2000 years ago, the world waited for the First Advent and the arrival of the promised Messiah….It had been 400 years since the Israelites had last heard from God…..He was silent for four centuries! 

Wow…..400 yrs…That is a very long time to wait and we all know how difficult waiting can be. Been to the mall or the grocery store lately?

Having to wait for something tests your patience…..

frustration and anger can start building and threaten to explode. 

To be honest, our current society is totally out of practice. 

We have INSTANT EVERYTHING! 

Where's my package? 

Check the tracking...

I'm hungry! 

Run through the drive-thru....

I'm bored! 

Queue up something to watch on TV right now...

Our "modern technologies and conveniences" have 

created a generation who DO NOT KNOW how 

to be still and wait well. 

Being patient in the checkout line at Target is rough but waiting through really hard times to come to an end is one of the most difficult journeys to be on…

Doubt and despair come knocking and try to steal your hope. 

If you don't know how to wait well....this can totally take you out. 

Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

“ When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days 

and the storm continued raging, we finally 

gave up all hope of being saved.” Acts 27:20

That brings me to my second question for you to think about…. 

What is the hardest thing you have had to wait for or perhaps what are you currently struggling to hold on to hope for?

    

I want to share with you a difficult waiting story that forever changed how I approach the season of Advent. I am going to be open and honest about mental illness because it affects many people in my immediate family. 

There are several depression, anxiety and anger management issues 

that have affected our lives for several generations.  

The holidays of 2014 was a dark season and a number of us were struggling.  My husband had been unemployed since January and was unable to find a job that could support our family. Watching his self-esteem and hope diminish each month was devastating. 

My oldest daughter was in 5th grade at the time and had attempted to start middle school back in September. Both her sensory processing and anxiety disorder made it very difficult in this new learning environment so we decided to homeschool her. We were six weeks into this new chapter of our lives and I’ll be honest….it was not going well. I had argued with God back in September that I did not think this was a good idea and from my vantage point, she was not getting better at home and we were certainly not learning anything! 

BUT…

God is never in a hurry and He knew that great things were 

coming but I needed to be patient and learn how to wait & trust Him.

So, here we were….the Thanksgiving of 2014..... My husband and daughter were struggling and then my inlaws called saying they were feeling too overwhelmed and sad to have us come up this year. Darkness seemed to be affecting everyone! It was just too much…..

A deep emptiness in my heart started to consume me and I began aching for something, anything to cling to. All the pieces were broken around me and the storm kept raging on day after day….

For the first time in my life, the thought of creating my annual Christmas letter absolutely broke my heart. We had just finished a TERRIBLE year from my perspective….what “highlights” could I possible write about? We had no extra money for the holidays and the thought of buying a bunch of useless presents felt so meaningless. 

But, in that darkness and sorrow…..God started showing up day after day

and the true meaning of Advent suddenly became very real to me. 

One early December morning, I randomly stumbled upon some Advent youTube videos and noticed they all mentioned that it was more than just waiting for Christmas time to get here…..

Yes, focusing on Christmas is an important part BUT there was more!  What? Really? Usually after Thanksgiving wraps up….I am digging out the tree & ornaments, brainstorming gift ideas for the family as well as trying to figure out if there were any decent pictures of us all to use on the annual Christmas card. 

But not that year…..that year, all I wanted to do was hide. My hope was lost….things were so dark and I didn’t know when it would get better again. 

But the Christmas songs playing on the radio each day would take my breath away…..”Come to Bethlehem and see….Christ the Lord, the newborn King”….”Away in a Manger, no crib for a bed. The little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head”….The thought of God’s only Son…..my precious Jesus as a tiny, fragile infant…..can you imagine?  A baby with God’s eyes? Gazing into divine majesty and holding His precious little finger? 

The manger started to speak to me like it had never had before... and the profound little details of the very First Christmas awoke a new wonder and awe within me. I then noticed in the story what happened after the baby was born…. all the rejoicing! The skies FILLED with angels singing that Jesus had finally come! Just like God promised! My heart started feeling lighter and a bit of joy came in…..Jesus was born into a dark world and dwelt among us!

As the prophet Isaiah spoke centuries before 

“Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel.”  

 Immanuel means “God with us”. During the First Advent, God came

down to earth in the flesh to teach, to heal and to love.

So the first piece of Advent is to REMEMBER that Jesus came at Christmas because He loves you. Jesus became the one and only way to reconnect you with His Father and rescue you from wrath.

Then, another level of Immanuel burst through my heart as I realized that

not only did Jesus come at the first Christmas but

He was WITH ME RIGHT NOW! Jesus said...

“I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth….. he lives with you and will be in you.” 

Jesus repeated this promise in his last words before going back up to heaven

 “I will be with you ALWAYS….till the very end of the age”. 

Claiming this truth -  that God was with me even in that dark season  - brought a burst of new HOPE that I cannot even try to explain with words. 

It changed how I looked at everything. I stumbled upon a website during the second week of December that showed detailed photos of what snowflakes actually look like close up. Wow! Have you seen them? 

They are unbelievable! Those white blobs falling outside which made traffic horrible suddenly transformed into hand-crafted gifts from God filled with intricate and breathtaking beauty.  I was excited each morning for the new day and began looking for treasures that God had placed all around me. Cardinals would appear out of nowhere; my morning devotional would mention snowflakes or the manger. The radio would play a song I hadn’t heard in a very long time but was exactly what I needed to hear. 

The second piece of Advent is to ENJOY the present. 

Right here…..right now because that is where God is. 

He wants to fill you in the present moment with His presence…..

Oh but God wasn’t done yet…..because there 

was a third piece of Advent that I had yet to discover. 

Immanuel….”God with us”…..

He came to earth over 2000 years ago (Christmas Past).  

He lives in us now thru the Holy Spirit (Christmas Present). 

But there is a glorious hope and a future because……all throughout the New

Testament, God promises another wonderful thing…

Jesus is coming back!

The angels at the ascension told the apostles...

 “Why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.”  

 Jesus himself said the same thing ...

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms….I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go….I will come back and take you to be with me.”

Suddenly, the church liturgy I grew up with came flooding into my thoughts.

”He will come again to judge the living & the dead

 and His kingdom shall have no end”

”Come Lord Jesus be our guest…”  

”the Lord God, who is and was and is to come”. 

We are currently awaiting the Second Advent.

For Jesus to come back again! That is our Christmas Future! 

In the book of Titus, it teaches 

The third piece of Advent is to ANTICIPATE. 

Be ready and waiting for Jesus!

So I ask you a third question……

How well are you waiting this Christmas season? 

Are you looking forward for Jesus to return? 

Do you have HOPE? Do you need more of Immanuel?

When we cry out to God….He hears us and comes near. 

I don’t know you all personally but if you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness….you are not alone in this! 

Please know that this will not last forever and there is HOPE because God’s light and love can come & transform any darkness that you are experiencing. 

He has transformed my family and He can come into yours as well.

Merry Christmas and Happy Advent!